Food for thought..

I just noticed the pattern in my last three posts: 'Many people have', I have, Have you...'

Have you ever felt that sometimes, you only give and never receive? I mean, till a certain point it is true that you should give without expecting to receive, but what happens when you are pushed over the edge and you are tested? How do you react when that happens? Do you stop yourself from doing what you have been so long, or do you settle for revenge? The funny part is, people who notice you have stopped giving, won't think twice before pointing a finger and turn things around, make you feel so damn guilty, you will be back to square one. Sometimes, when I press the pause button on 'life' I realize I do not understand people. I really don't. It is only human to expect to someone to care for you or remember you, when you have done the same for them. Right? Or is this what people call 'expecting too much'?? How it can be 'too much' loses me. I am tired of figuring out what people want. What they want from me, what I want from them, because you know what? i figured they don't care what you want from them. Change is within us. It's true. But, can that change go to the extent of changing who we are, just to win someone's regard? Of course not! Another thing is remembering a promise. It's as though the world is too busy to allocate time for some trifle pleasures such as doing what you promised for a friend! God! I often feel I belong to the 19th Century human race. No particular reason except that I feel people back then gave you what you deserved and it worked both ways when it came to thinking twice before harming the other emotionally through mindless actions.

I have often wondered how a slight change in the weather can test my patience and mood swings. Though there's going to be a lot of eyebrow raising...I have to confess this. I just don't like the rains. Careful now. I didn't say hate. I dislike it. To me, all it signifies is gloominess, darkness, and complete douse of all my plans for the day. Plus, its really hard to see the transition from noon to dusk(which I particularly find wonderful). Sigghh... I know there are many flip sides to the summer sun: the relentless heat, the sweat, the head ache, chicken pox, the current cuts...its endless. But just look outside and don't you think there's happiness and cheerfulness out there? There is soooo much positive energy and almost as if nothing could go wrong! All shops are open! The streets are buzzing with people making excited plans for the day, new summer clothes! There is that cool breeze so unique to summer, that wafts around and wipes the sweat off your brow...aaah!!! Summer...how much I love you :) :)

The Pencil

Many people have time and again tried to bring me out of this deep attachment I have towards my stationeries. Yes. They can be in any form, but they are from that family and I cannot bear to see someone taking them away or torturing them. This is where the line between selfishness and the need to protectthings that matter to you becomes blurred. While in my point of view, I see no wrong in not giving some of favourite pens or my clourful jump clip collections, the only thought that must be going on inside the mind of the person seeking to borrow it must be "GOD she is selfish!". A few years back, a friend of mine wanted to borrow from my very own special collection (special indeed as it was a set of pencils my dad gifed me long time back and decided to bring out at that moment) of Staedtler pencils, for a quick touch up on her biology diagrams. This might sound creepy or weird, but I found myself in a huge confused state where I couldn't decide what to do! Should I give it? No! Its a special pencil! But if you don't then you're selfish..come on its just a pencil. I looked up and saw her perplexion at my nonplussed face. She looked down at The Pencil that I was holding and raised her eyebrows...I gave it... !!!!!

Anyway, weirdness continues. I saw her take away my dearest, settle down in her chair and begin to draw intently and rapidly. All was well. I smiled and returned to my work thinking 'Ah! what was I worried about?'. A few minutes (hours for me) later, I looked up and was horrified to see that the rear end of The Pencil had disappeared into her mouth, as she deeply mulled over an E-Coli diagram!! 'Oh no! yuck! how could she do that??' As I looked on, I saw her giving my Pencil the slow death that he so did not deserve. I mentally slapped myself and reprimanded saying 'its okay to be mean sometimes. Nothing is worth the destruction of something that means a lot to you'.


This isn't just about The Pencil. I mean, when you own something so dear and would like it to be yours, I think its okay to say a firm and gentle no to the person asking for it, if you know even a slight manhandling will diminish its preciousness. The relevance of it in the real world doesnt matter. It can even be a stone (though no one would want to borrow a stone will they?). What counts is, its perfectness, your sole control over it, and your constant need to look over it and finally the happiness it gives you by staying under your care. This is called protecting the things that matter to you and not selfishness.


Well, we cannot expect everyone, other than those who know us best, to be aware of this. So to those, handle things that don't belong to you as if they did. Because, though insignificant in your eyes, it might have a whole bundle of emotions wrapped inside it invisible but to the owner. The reason why you were allowed to borrow it is because that person trusts you to handle it with utmost care and dearness.

And what happened to The Pencil? hmm...I let her keep it after I saw indelible teeth marks around the eraser side and watched her skip away with it, while I dolefully consoled myself at the loss of a part of my dad's present.